leave the past behind

I can't. I'm so stuck in my past, I can't fucking move forward. I still haven't learned how to move on from things. Noone & Nothing motivates me enough to move forward. Everytime a new door opens up for me I go through it & make a U-Turn right into my past. Now I understand why people say " You're gonna miss your middle school days, it was ezpz ". & now I realized that. All I do is reminisce. I fucking miss the old days. I miss how people USED to be, how things USED to be, how everything USED to be okay. I can't seem to learn that people change & there's nothing I can do about it. I can't seem to make my present better than my past. I see everyone doing something with their lives, except me. Wtf am I doing. I don't even know how to have fun anymore. Shit happens & life doesn't go on for me.


" remember when getting high meant swinging at the playground. rhe worst thing you could get from boys were cooties. mom was your hero & dad was the boy you were going to marry. your worst enemies were your siblings. race issues were who ran the fastest. war was a card game. cough medicine was the only drug you had ever heard of. drama was a type of play. wearing skirts didn't mean you were a slut. when you said wasted you were talking about time. the only thing you smoked was the tires on your bike. the only thing that hurt was skinned knees. the only things that could get broken were your toys. life was simple & care free. but what I remember the most was wanting to grow up.. "

lookin like terminator

today morning I tried opening my eyes 'cause my mom was waking me up, & as I tried to open it, it wouldn't open -o- like it was stuck together, literally.. I thought nothing was wrong, so I just rubbed it really hard & it was like crusty, HAHAHA. I was like ew, I must've had lots of hard eyeboogers & so I go to my bathroom to get ready for school. Oh yeah, I woke up early for school today, too, super rare -_- So I was trynna get ready & I look in the mirror & my right eye bloodshot red, lame. it's annoying, feels swollen, & it keeps tearing up. therefore I did not go to school when for once I really wanted to go. hmph, I hope I don't have pink eye ):<

*it's even redder when I look up T-T